September 10, 2007

Hello Hyde Park

After four days, 2,021 miles, three motel rooms, and entirely too much fast food, I arrived yesterday afternoon in Chicago, Ill., my new home for (at least) the next three years. Surprisingly, this was only my third time in the Windy City; before deciding to move out here for graduate school, I had been to Chicago exactly twice: once for a job interview in 2004, and once for a school visit in April of this year. My first day here has been non-stop, and though I have not yet made it out to downtown, I did manage to wander through Hyde Park today.

November 05, 2007

Forever Young No More

As New Wave band Alphaville aptly (and perhaps prophetically) observed in their 1984 single Forever Young, no one likes getting older, and me the least of all. As early as 2002, I observed that there was likely nothing worse than having to do [menial tasks associated with adulthood] for the rest of my life. (The notable exception to this rule, of course, are children, but given their ignorance of the patent meaninglessness of life, and moreover, the years of heart-breaking disappointments, soul-crushing existential angst, hope-extinguishing failures, and daily flirtations with suicide that inevitably await them, one can hardly fault their enthusiasm.)

Though as a society we presume certain ages when one can be considered old, or perhaps, older (e.g., 18 for sex, 21 for drinking, 30 for [first] marriage, 40 for mid-life crisis/divorce, 65 for senior discounts, etc.), most people likely possess their own individual notions of when they will personally cross the threshold from the joys of youth to the decrepitude of old age. For me, that transition occurred last week—Saturday, October 27, 2007, to be precise. I was barely 24 years old. [...]

November 24, 2007

30 Seconds of Bliss (in an Otherwise Meaningless Existence)

'Tis the season of giving thanks, or at least the time for decadent consumption and mindless consumerism, so to counteract—I mean, commemorate—this joyous period of the year, I thought I would add my own (necessarily worthless) two cents to the loud din of Thanksgiving-related postings permeating the so-called blogosphere. Now, as we all know, I am nothing if not the stereotypical bourgeoisie ingrate, and as such, rarely find much of anything to be thankful about. And yet, this year, in stark contrast to my usual persuasion, I recognize that I have much to be appreciative of, not the least of which is my status as an impoverished graduate student. [...]

January 16, 2008

In Pursuit of Nothingness

Given my penchant in the past couple years for alternating between nonsensical discussions of soul-crushing existential angst and inexplicable idolatry of quixotic lawlessness, intrepid readers might be left wondering why I have not yet collapsed in heap of self-induced moral turpitude and cognitive dissonance. Is my consummate inadequacy and general worthlessness of such a prolific magnitude that, having wandered aimlessly onto a path of self-destruction many years ago, I cannot even seem to muster the talent or skill required to properly follow that path to its natural conclusion? Am I really so impotent as to be incapable of fulfilling as trivial a task as ruining my (necessarily futile) existence? Perhaps, as readers enamored by (foolish) notions of love and happiness have observed, I have simply not yet met the proverbial right woman. I am skeptical, however. The way I see it, ruination, like contentment, cannot be effected from without; it must be wrought from within. [...]

January 21, 2008

Touch the Magic: Chicago

Me with G-Unit and P-Diddy at the Violet Hour, Chicago, Ill.

As readers who have (for reasons unknown) been with me since (at least) last summer know, my decision to leave the Bay after six years of, among other things, getting hyphy and ghost ridin' the whip, was by no means easy, due not in the least to the many close friends and natural comfort zone I would be leaving behind. This weekend's much hyped tour, aptly entitled Touch the Magic: Chicago, which reunited the maladjusted boys of 1524 SF for the first time since we bid our tearful goodbyes to The I.S. (i.e., Inner Sunset), was a poignant reminder that though distance may separate us from our good friends, it need not obviate those friendships entirely. [...]

February 10, 2008

Oh Responsibility, How I Loathe Thee

One of the great paradoxes of my (necessarily futile) life is my perverse and often baffling ability to consistently balance my responsibilities in the professional/academic sphere while simultaneously remaining mired in dysfunction sufficient to shock the senses in my so-called personal life. How is that someone who rarely showed signs of cracking under the long hours and constant stress of college or corporate America can not seem to get on top of such routine trivialities as bills, grocery shopping, cooking, and going to the gym?

April 02, 2008

The Spring Break That Was Neither

Spring Break. The phrase conjures up images of warm, tropical beaches, scantily-clad women, and tequila—lots and lots of tequila—in your mind, does it not? Unfortunately for me, I sort of hate the beach (despite having spent a little less than half my life in (the) O.C.), have already been to such destinations as Cancún and Miami, and in any case, stand no chance with scantily-clad women of any sort, no matter how much tequila they may have consumed. Instead, I chose to spend my break on a bicoastal whirlwind tour that left me perhaps more tired than before. And considering that today was probably the first day where it was both sunny and above 45° F here in Chicago, one might say that my so-called Spring Break was neither spring nor a break. [...]

April 11, 2008

Escape from Hyde Park

What with all the tired introspection, trite whining, and tepid acts of kindness in recent weeks, it may be hard to imagine that at one point this site was known far and wide (or near and narrow, as the case may be) for its irrational rants of decidedly mediocre quality. Where is the unintelligible vitriol the About page so proudly touts? Where is the illogical, unreasoned spewing of venom against irrelevant and incidental targets of only minor significance? Where indeed! Today, in a grandiose (and necessarily ill-fated) gesture of returning to the roots, I will embark upon a rant of little consequence that is guaranteed to embody the same mediocrity of thought and irrelevance of topic which comprised this site for nearly four years of its (worthless) existence. Enough useless chatter. Let us begin: I hate Hyde Park.

May 05, 2008

Stable Marriage and Information Failure in the Social Marketplace

Standing around at a bar last Friday night, sipping a dirty martini and semi-engaged in a lackluster conversation with some random woman I had met approximately ninety seconds earlier, I felt my thoughts drift almost involuntarily from trying to figure out whether she was attractive or I was hallucinating, to the Stable Marriage Algorithm and pervasive information failures in day-to-day existence. This is only one of the many reasons why I do not have a girlfriend.

May 14, 2008

The Day the Irony Died

When you lead your life adrift in a turbulent sea of mediocrity, loneliness, and despair, as I do, really all that there is to keep you waking up in the mornings and setting aside the metaphorical (if not actual) gun to your head is the bitter irony that accompanies a life devoid of meaning, purpose, or happiness. The day the irony disappears is the day the abyss consumes you, the day you hit absolute rock bottom. Today was such a day for me.